Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Steph's Fanfiction - Final

One Tree Hill

The aftermath of "With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept" (season 3 episode 16)


It wasn't supposed to be like this. Jimmy Edwards was dead. And there was nothing she could do to change that fact.

She sat on the hill staring straight ahead, expressionless, her eyes void of emotion. In that moment it didn't matter that it was raining or that she could feel the dampness seeping into her clothes or that her hair stuck together in clumps on either side of her face.

It's funny how one life changing event can make you realise just how inconsequential aspects of life can be. An event so tragic that it makes you re-evaluate everything you once believed mattered.

She hadn't been sleeping properly. Everytime she would close her eyes the recurring nightmare would appear before her. The events repeating in her mind over and over again. The images of that fateful day now imprinted in her memory forever.

Eight students had been locked in the tutor centre. And only seven walked out of Tree Hill High alive. She could remember the look in his eyes as he waved the black handgun aimlessly around the room. He didn't look evil or possessed. His eyes carried pain, haunted by his own suffering. He looked scared, vulnerable, confused. His heartbreak displayed in the emotions on his face. The rejection by his peers unbearable to the young teenager. He felt invisible, like he no longer existed in the world. She had seen it all and was now struggling to accept the harsh reality that this young boy had carried the weight of those feelings around with him and had no one to turn to.

The guilt consumed her.

He was her friend. Well, he used to be her friend. Over the past year they had lost contact. Huge changes had been made in her life in that time; school popularity had taken a hold of her and showed no signs of releasing her anytime soon, her marriage to the basketball captain fed the small town's rumour mill, and she had developed a new ambition for a career in music. Her priorities had been altered. But with all the changes in her life, loss was inevitable. She lost a friend along the way, one who she hadn't spoken to in a while.

Whenever the Rivercourt guys would play basketball, she, Jimmy and Mouth would always be on the bleachers by the court cheering them on and critiquing their games. In her case, she would sit and attempt to understand the gamed loved by many, while just enjoying the time she was able to spend with her friends.

It wasn't his intention to come to school that day and create such a disaster. He just wanted the chaos and pain in his life to stop. He was just tired of it all. The gun may have created a tough exterior, but it was obvious to see he was a scared, lonely boy on the inside.

Haley continued to recall moments from her time in the tutor centre. Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked towards the sky. She could vividly remember Jimmy's comment on how if you don't exist, then nobody would miss you when you're gone.

But he was wrong. She would miss him.

Jimmy turned towards the door, he unlocked it and slowly pulled it open.

Her eyes filled with tears.

"Jimmy..." Haley softly whispered to the figure retreating through the door.

Slowly he turned, his face full of defeat. His eyes scanned over the individuals in the room "You know, they're gonna remember me as a monster...I wonder how they'll remember all of you."

He backed out of the room and entered into the corridor.

Haley pressed her head into Nathan's chest and unsuccessfully attempted to hold back the sob that erupted from her throat.

There was silence. Then the room was filled with the echo of a gunshot.


This was the scene playing on repeat in her head; the cause of her sleepless nights.

Jimmy Edwards was not a monster. He was a good guy and had always been there for her. And that is how she would remember him, not as the shell of a boy who had appeared on that day at school.

Movement beside her brought her back to the present. She felt warmth spread up her arm, glancing down her hand was now encased in another.

"Are you alright?" a husky voice asked from beside her.

She took a moment to look at the figure sitting beside her. He was the most important part of her life.

"No, but I will be." Her voice barely audible to her own ears.

She refocused her attention to the swarm of black umbrellas below sheltering those who were saying their final farewells.

Her thoughts reverted back to the single unanswered question that had been plaguing her mind since the school shooting; what if they had never left the Rivercourt?

7 comments:

  1. Hey! I think this is a really good piece of fan fiction, Steph. You made it sound like you weren't a good writer, but it's really well done!

    First of all, you have made the situation very clear and it is easy to follow. There is also a lot of emotion involved and you managed to capture it really well. It shows some insight into this character through her reflections about a horrible event that has taken place. I also think the part in the middle with her reminiscing about the event is well executed.

    Good work!

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  2. I really like this piece of writing - it is very descriptive which shows you understand the situation you've created. I think writing it from third person's perspective was a great choice - it distances the reader from the character which I think was your aim - she seems confused and abandoned but there is still some mystery as to what she thinks.

    The way you have worded everything is done really well. The short sentences and paragraphs emphasis important points in the text which shows the reader what is significant.

    One thing I didn't understand - or maybe overlooked - was why Jimmy decided to do this? I thought that was maybe a bit unclear but overall really great work!

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  4. Stacey - Thanks for your positive feedback! The actual episode is rather depressing so I'm glad I could capture some of the emotions involved.

    Marika - Thanks for your comments :) When I think about it, I haven't actually straight out said his reasons for doing this, so thats why its probably unclear. But I will think of a way to add it to the story to make that part easier/better to understand.

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  5. Since you've written it in third person I have a suggestion - although if Haley knows exactly WHY he did it then this suggestion isn't necessary.
    Perhaps you could explain in a paragragh (wherever it fits best) the true reasons why the incident occurred, followed by "Although Haley thought..." and describe it from her perspective. Because Haley doesn't see him as a monster it might be interesting to view it from an outsider's perspective, as well as from Haley's.

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  6. Marika - Thanks for that, I like this suggestion. I think it will work well. Now I'll figure out a way to incorporate it :)

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  7. Hey Steph!

    Having never seen One Tree Hill (I assume it's a TV show?) I have no real idea of what was going on or who the characters were. At the beginning of the fic it was a little confusing to be who was who, simply because nobody was named until much later in the piece. I assume it would be fine for someone who knew the show (?), but that would be something I would suggest be changed.

    As Stacey said, the emotion in the writing was very good. You can tell that the girl in it was very shaken by what happened. The only other thing that I would suggest be altered is the paragraphs; having such small paragraphs, to me, makes it feel a bit disjointed, but that is just a personal thing (and why the paragraphs in mine as so large, lol). Other than that, it was very good!

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