Friday, March 5, 2010

Sarah's Fanfic - FINAL COPY

Wrong Direction (Set at the very end of Defiance, the last game in the Legacy of Kain series)

Who would have thought that God was a squid? A giant one. A giant one with three, bulbous eyes and a serious attitude problem? Even after seeing such a thing with his own two eyes, Kain couldn't believe it. Of all the things that should be plaguing his mind right now, the fact that all of his troubles were caused by a greedy, selfish squid shouldn't even factor! It should be less than an after thought, but Kain couldn't wipe the image of that disgusting creature from his minds eye. Of course he was in shock, though; nobody would be able to escape such an experience without suffering some form of it! One minute his most trusted lieutenant was standing in front of him, and then the next...Well...

Kain's eyes drifted to the sword clasped in his claws. He'd reached the top of the stairs now - the ones that wound up the middle of the ruins of the vampiric citadel, leading to the war room. For some reason it didn't feel right to enter it just yet. He was the last one. The only one! No more of his kind existed in the whole of the world at this very second, and the irony of that made the ancient creature force out a bark of laughter; mad-sounding, deranged laughter. It echoed off the crumbling stone walls and shot back at him, causing him to promptly shut up. It wasn't right. This place should be treated with reverence...or something. He didn't know. Kain felt like he didn't know anything anymore.

Scraping sounds could be heard as he made his way across the cold floor toward one of the large holes in the wall where a window had once been, its glass long since shattered and gone. Setting his sword against the wall, Kain stepped through the empty space and out on to a small verge, the wind whipping harshly around him, his white hair and red cloak billowing out behind him. Ahead of him, to the North, stood nine derelict pillars; beginning far below the ground and rising so high that there seemed to be no end to them. Only an hour ago they had shone a brilliant white, but now the marble from which they were made appeared burned to the very core. Even though they were miles from his current location, Kain knew exactly what was going on down there - a selfish, short-sighted, incredibly foolish man was setting the world to ruin, simply because he was too afraid to face death to save it. A sneer came upon Kain's face as he thought of it. He was in a position to stop all of this; well, sort of. It would be the beginning and the end of all things, and much as he would love to go down there and do something about the rancid changes that were going on, it would be the death of him to do so. Thus he sat, looking from the ruined pillars, to the forest in the West and the crystalline lake to the East. The beauty of this world would soon be gone.

Turning his face to the past, Kain pulled himself in to the sanctity of the war room. his claws once again grasped up his blade as he walked over to sit in one of the twelve stone thrones that were arranged in a circle in the middle of the room. Resting the tip of his sword on the ground, Kain's large hands settled on the very top of the hilt as he stared out, eyes both seeing and not seeing, at the wall in front of him. The time chamber that he had used to get back here had been destroyed, along with the resting place of the false God, so that meant that he was stuck here. At least for now. Unless...But no. To interfere would be disastrous! However to wait would be almost as bad, really. There had to be another option! Had that not been what he had believed, ever since that day...this day? Yes, it was today, wasn't it?

Time travel was a terribly messy business; Kain should know, he did it often enough! Though certain complications could arise when one traversed the fragile tapestry of Time; the main and most obvious being that one might run in to ones self! That was Kain's problem at the moment. For the selfish, short-sighted, incredibly foolish man who had just plunged the world in to peril was none other than a much younger him! Little less than a month after becoming the blood sucker that he now was, Kain had decimated the ranks of those who had stood against his kind, then proceeded to damn the rest of the world out of fear! As Kain sat in the war room of the vampiric citadel, his younger self stood in the midst of the fallen pillars, gloating to the world about the 'marvelous' deed he had done. In hindsight, perhaps it was not the best move. But hindsight wasn't very useful in ones present.

Kain knew what had to be done; for all of this to end, the false God needed to be finished off completely if his world were to have any sort of a change. Though he would need time time to rest and plan. This wasn't going to be easy. However he had a stronghold to shelter in, and a mild idea of how to accomplish his ends, so it wasn't all impossible. It would just take time...Lucky for Kain that seemed to be all he had left, now...

6 comments:

  1. Wow, I really like this, Sarah! How did you write it so fast? You are making the rest of us look bad!

    First of all, I like how you painted some really vivid visuals in this story by using great descriptive language. It appears that you have an intimate knowledge of this world you are writing about and tried your best to give us some insight about that world.

    I think it is very well-written and the execution was superb. Even though I had no previous knowledge of this game, you managed to hold my interest. The story is compelling and you can tell that you put a lot of thought and time into it.

    The only small thing that irked me was a couple of times you used things like '..or something' and '..sort of' which, I think, takes something away from the finality of the sentences in which they inhabit.

    Overall, great work!

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  2. ^_____^

    Thanks Stace! I shall make the alterations next week, to give me something to do, LOL.

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  3. I really like this Fanfic! It's written so naturally, in third person yet somehow states exactly what the protagonist is thinking which makes it really interesting to read. The first paragraph (because of the use of language and how it's written) really caught my attention and made me want to keep reading, even though I have not heard of this game and therefore have no idea what it's about. Good work!

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  4. I've got nothing but positive things to say about your fanfiction. Ok, so I know I'm not familiar with Legacy of Kain, but you did tell me that it is a game, so that gives me a starting point. I have to say, you have done an amazing job on this. It is very well written. You have fully developed your idea to create a great narrative. I may not know background information into your fanfiction world, but you managed to captivate my attention with your very first line. So well done and keep up the great work.

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  5. Just thinking - I'll suggest what I commented on Stacey's. For those unfamiliar with the storyline, (although it has great content!) it is a bit difficult to read in large paragraphs. Perhaps breaking up the paragraphs a bit or - like I suggested to Stacey - having a few more short, direct sentences to emphasise key points would be beneficial to your readers. Great work though!

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  6. Thanks Marika! That's some good feedback. :)
    I've made a couple of changes, hope it's a little better.

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